J. died on Wednesday. Sorry to be so blunt about it but that's pretty much how I feel - terrible and terribly blunt and raw around the edges. She's gone and I hadn't called her on Monday as I intended. I'll call after Easter. I've got these cookies to make and she's probably busy anyway. And, the pool opened last week so she's probably not home. But she was home and it was the last day I could have talked to her, to have laughed with her, to have learned the latest cool thing her son was doing, to have made plans for our annual beach vacation. My last chance to talk to her was Monday and I didn't call.


I didn't call R. right after the baby was born, either, even though she asked me to let her know as soon as I could. I'm so tired. I'll call tomorrow if we have a good night. We've got company now, it wouldn't be fair to them. I'll wait another week or so until things calm down. So I didn't learn about her attempts to conceive again or how her son and husband, K., were doing in Daddy-n-Me Soccer. I didn't hear all about the plans for the elaborate holiday celebration that R. and K. put together every year, with eggs and bunnies and homemade marshmallows.


I will never forget R. calling me in the middle of the night to tell me she had met "The One". I was cautious on her behalf, as girlfriends often are, because she'd been hurt badly in the past. I needn't have worried. K. turned out to be every bit as charming, kind and intelligent as R. said he was. K. was quick to smile and slow to anger and he totally adored her. For this, if for no other reason, he earned my respect and friendship. K. couldn't keep all of R.'s many friends straight and the first time we met he bestowed upon me the moniker "Miss Marsha from Buffalo." So I remained for 11 years. And now K. is gone.


There was no warning, no indication at all that our time with these dear, loved people was ending. K. was buried last week and Monday we head to Philly to say farewell to J. The pain is crushing and I feel as if I'm suffocating.


Please call them. Whoever "them" is for you, just call. This week I have learned this brutal lesson in the cruelest way I could have ever imagined. Just call.