Can someone please explain to me the need that some people have to inquire after the nitty-gritty details of one's delivery of a child? Any woman who has been noticeably pregnant has been through the "community property" phenomenon, wherein one's every move and condition seems to welcome comment from the public at large. I, for example, was subjected to censure and angry stares after being "caught" tasting my husband's wine during dinner at one of Philadelphia's most expensive restaurants. You would think that someone paying so much for dinner would pay attention to the food and not fellow diners, but there you are. This woman was angry with me for that sip of wine.


Anyway, I digress. Until recently I have never experienced the phenomenon's post-partum equivilent. In the last three or four days total stranger have asked very intimate questions about delivering the Little Diva. I don't remember it happening after the Boy Wonder was born, but maybe I've just blocked it out.


Yesterday while standing in line at the drugstore (which messed up our scrip, but the way) I became aware of a women behind me cooing and making googly noises at the babe. I turned to say hello and she asked me the usual opener:


Strange Lady: Cute baby. How old?


Me: Thanks. She's four months.


Strange Lady: Awwww...where was she born.


Me: Just down the road at the commmunity hospital.


Strange Lady: And everything went well?


Me: Yes, she's very healthy, thanks.


Strange Lady: Did you need stitches?


Me: Gulp.


I tried to trot out Miss Manner's "Why do you ask?" response, which usually distracts the questioner so that they do not immediately realize they are not going to get an answer but I completely stumbled and ended up mumbling something about having a very good doctor.


At the hardware store on Saturday another woman wanted to know how long I had to push. (My husband was with me and he couldn't believe that one.) Not long ago I found myself discussing - again, WITH A TOTAL STRANGER - my decision not to have an epidural and whether or not this made me a competitive individual.


Part of me wants to cut these people some slack, realizing that giving birth is truly a transcendant experience - no matter what happens, you aren't the same after as you were before and it's natural to want to talk, talk, talk about it. And I don't believe that women should be silent about birth or how it changes you. These things should be discusess openly and honestly, with as much love and care as possible.


(Are you sensing a "but"?)


But. No matter how you, parden the expression, slice it, childbirth is an intimate process and should be open only to the woman and those whom she has expressly invited to share it with her. So if you want a cast of thousands in the room with you and then take out a full page ad in the local paper with your birth story, great (well, not really, because I don't want to hear about it, but you know what I mean). If you want just yourself, a partner and a care provider (or perhaps not even these), fine.


If you're not among these persons holding a backstage pass, do try to limit your line of questioning. A simple, "You're looking well" will usually suffice.