You may have heard about the Kraft Guacamole Kerkuffle of 2006. Then again, maybe not - the upshot is that a woman in Los Angeles was upset to find that the Kraft guacamole she bought to serve friends contains virtually no avocado. Modified food starch, skim milk, green food coloring, sure, but just a teensy bit (like 2%) avocado.

So what's a girl to do when her industrially-produced snack dip disappoints? Apparently, a girl sues. (ETA: It appears that our little claimant may not be unassisted in her search for Truth Justice and the Guacamole Way. Check out the link at the bottom of this encouraging potential avocado litigants to fill out a complaint about their guacamole disappointments which will then be evaulated by a lawyer "at no charge".)

A friend with whom I was discussing the matter maintains that Kraft is 100% in the wrong with this one, that their labeling practices were/are deceptive and that the entire company should be force fed authentic guacamole until it comes out their collective ears. I think the woman in question must be a bit loco at the least and perhaps even a bit mercenary (Hey! I know, Kraft has lots of, uh, dough! I'll sue them!) at the worst.

Goodness knows I prefer real, minimally-processed food as much as the next girl and I certainly know the disappointment and d'oh feelings that come with finding out that something you're eating isn't quite what you thought it was (go ahead, ask me about the red dye #40 I poured down the Boy Wonder's gullet in the form of YOGURT! or the high fructose corn syrup we ingested that had been disguised as salsa) but here's the thing: we have labeling laws and Kraft followed them. The information that would have prevented this consumer from purchasing the "guac" was available and clearly printed just as it is for nearly every food product commercially available in every supermarket in the country. Just as I fell down on the job not perusing our yogurt for dyes, this woman made an assumption about a specialty product produced by a decidedly non-specialty mass-market company. No where did craft ever claim "chock full of perfectly ripe, totally healthy avocados!".

And, purely as an aside, this person lives in Los Angeles! You cannot tell me that she had no access to freshly made, wonderful guacamole. Really. Los Angeles, people. Sheesh.

Anyway, whatever. I'm no fan of Kraft in general but I really don't think they did anything wrong here. Most of us know that "juice cocktail" isn't really juice and fruit roll-ups aren't really fruit, boxed mac-and-cheese generally doesn't have cheese (ironically, Kraft's famous blue and yellow boxed mac-and-cheese used to actually be the "cheesiest" as their ads went, but I recall reading recently that it now contains next to no cheese, a nod to cost-reduction) and candy corn isn't corn. Do we really need a lawsuit to establish that the mass-market, shelf-stable guacamole really isn't?

Guacamole is super easy to make. And for everyone who has ever made their own, there are probably scores of recipes. I usually use two dead-ripe avocados (they need to be softer than what you'd use sliced on a sandwich) smashed with a fork, the juice of a lime or two, some finely chopped onion and garlic, some chopped tomato, a spot each of salt and ground cumin (freshly ground, if you can), a bit of chopped cilantro and, heck, maybe a bit of cayenne. Basically, make it with whatever you have around. If I'm pressed for time I'll just mix up a bit of salsa with the smashed avocado and then some lime juice.

Like so many things, guacamole is a matter of taste and preference. If you don't care for colored food starch, read your labels and shop accordingly.