Turns out I don't have a new job, as the hiring manager and I were unable to come to terms on the details. I won't say more, mostly because I have reason to believe that part of the background check involved a lengthy examination of this here, my little corner of the Internet. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that everyone who works at the University of Virginia ("The #1 Public University in the Country!"), especially those in the Human Resources office, are not only exceptionally bright and good looking, but they sure know how to keep a little red tape from getting in the way of a good time.